Wednesday, August 29, 2012

book of photography: "from where i'd rather be."

front cover.
from where i'd rather be.
relic - ted hughes.
a better place.
to explore yourself.
to take the leap.
turbulence is nothing to fear.
cold feet?
bring you back.
from where you'd rather be.

rough screenshots of my book that was eventually printed.

life has been turning itself upside down for me.
i don't know where to look within anymore.

but enjoy the photos.



find me on: facebook - tumblr - personal online portfolio.

and here's my  bloglovin

Thursday, August 23, 2012

missing life.

just a few images from the past: summer, roadtrips, past inspirations, and random textures.



Wednesday, August 22, 2012

hey caulfield, take me away?

angst. it overrides the teenage system. bites you hard with frustration and makes you hate yourself.
and if you don't hate yourself, you hate the system.
but there it is: hate. 

because part of you realises that everything you do is controlled. and once you know that you can't possibly become ignorant of it again.
i chose to be a role model in this institution. and my intentions for being a "leader" were pure. 
but now it feels like "screw. this. all." and then i'm going to start being afraid of the repercussions of publicly saying this, in fear that they might find it, or something insignificant like that.

eh, not going to stop me.

and those of us who try to break free, find that it is all in vain. because society tells you that if you try to break free of the rigidities of, say, school, something. will. go. wrong.

and then you look at all the admirable people and see they probably did just that. dammit.

argh. and watching coming-of-age films just makes you feel like hitting the main character in the head.
[this being 'an education' in particular today, in relation to my life]

boredom sucks.

for example, right now i don't even know what i'm going on about. 

rantrantrant. ventventventvent.

and repeat.

[oh, and i left out most of the possible profanities in this passage,
as in, just tried my hardest to refrain from any hard sweaaaring]



Tuesday, August 21, 2012

the asking of existential questions is natural to a young soul.

i was pondering with a friend last night, about our lives in general, as you do, about the way we feel and the things life puts us through.
when something hits you as hard as you think it possibly could, you tend to think about it:
over-think...about it. 

it's been a torturous few days for me. endless tears and listening to sad music, as one does at the end of something as beautiful as what we had: a strange poetic love that seemed to be written out for us, over the short course of 60 days, as if in some movie script or a novel. and those memories become sacred, written in the pages of a diary, withered and torn by the pen that rips the page dampened by tears that seem to splash on forever.

and i know people will tell me that i'm young, and that i don't know what love is: but let me assure you, how can you possibly know what someone else thinks, or how they feel? at the end of the day we are all human, and i think, we should not try to preach some form of pretentious wisdom to each other, but rather just try to understand. and that is a mantra i prefer to live by. there are people who are there to be teachers, and others who are there to be friends. and people who can be both are rare.

i woke up this morning feeling strangely empowered.
knowing that i have the rest of my life ahead of me, with nothing to lose because i know who i am and i sort of [note the sort of] know where i want to be in the future. and that as much as it may feel like it, it's not the end of the world. it isn't. even though you are crushed, because you made that one person your whole world, and imagined your life with them, and even as you think that they are the one individual in the whole universe you should be with, you begin to realise that time is just another friend who holds your hand whilst you heal.

and i am unafraid of the pain that is to come, because it must've mattered to something of a great extent for me to feel this strongly. you open your soul to someone who can't do the same for you, and you don't feel weakened by it: you feel stronger now, knowing that you could, that you still can. and i suppose once you love someone you don't forget about it for life: it's buried under new feelings that may be stronger, and may numb the pain you once knew.

and why do i repeat words that those before me have said? because this is my personal realisation. 

and so what else is there possibly to do except to take a personal day, and write about it? 

you love someone like this for the first time in your life, and you will look back on it only to smile, and maybe a few tears will well up in your eyes to remind you of how much it really did change your life.

oh, to be a teenage wanderlust.



Wednesday, August 15, 2012


driven by the need to perfect the aesthetics of any sort of graphic media i come across, blogger has given me numerous headaches in terms of layouts. obviously i have spent my time tweaking my blogspot, and i'm at a stage where it's ok for now, but tumblr makes life easier when it comes to creating the "bigger picture" in the sense of a visual photographic moodboard. 

[fancy words for saying tumblr is nice for pics]

aside from this one, my primary blog, i've also been blogging from two separate blogs on tumblr.

one is my personal tumblr for original photography, because at first i rejected the idea of reblogging completely. 
the second one is something for fun that culminates the photos i am inspired by, including some of my own at times.

find them here and follow me!

x, R.

*also, today was the first time i realised my blog name "the grungy weed" has connotations of pot/marijuana use. not intended, but i also don't intend on changing it. ever.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


on days like this it's hard to think about not wishing i could be spending sun-filled days with the boy.
thought i'd just do a quick life mood board so i can stop thinking about how much i still have to do.




p.s. join me on the instagram bandwagon, username renazheng, 
find me on my online profile here,
and my facebook page.