well.

another photo taken on camp, at a dead end: the edge of a cliff. followed by a traipse back through the bushes, through what we'd just gone through.

there comes a stage just after denial. where you find yourself smiling a little again.

you could even laugh about it now. just not quite yet.

forgetting more than you remember. 

maybe eating.

possibly sleeping.

but still breathing.

if you don't read this, at least read from the analogy onwards, it may just prove to be intriguing.

[[you know i'm joking about the eating part, right? [[disclaimer: i'm not encouraging lack of eating/promoting it. more so if you break up, you have no one to bother looking good for. you only live once, anyway, so eat healthy but don't be uptight about it]] everyone knows a break up means buckets of ice cream, almost certainly more than average  and most probably a whole box of kleenex]] 

well. i didn't have a whole tub of ben + jerry's. frankly because here in sydney it's a trek to go find ben + jerry's. i ate just one white chocolate magnum off the stick. broke the stick, and threw it away.

i haven't been able to sleep properly for 2 years now. so inability to sleep is not a symptom in my eyes.

and now that my eyes are finally starting to clear from the blurring tears, i'm remembering to breathe again.

the deep breaths you so foolishly, stubbornly refused to even experiment with. [[this is not directed to my readers]] this has always been a good way to calm yourself down. what with more oxygen to the brain, etc.

really, the only stage at which you can't breathe is when you can't bring yourself to it, through the tears.

and once that's over you're pretty much in the clear, right? 

to infinity and beyond! buzz lightyear will take you there!

[[i need sleep, evidently]]

ok, you know what?! let's see what clever little analogy i can pull off here... let me think.

well, see this photo i took on camp?

well... you could say you're at the edge of the cliff now. you started the journey, excited, buzzing, full of energy. the first bit was the best, the easiest, the smoothest. but came the small problems you had to overcome - spiky bushes, plants whacking at your face as you traipse around, confused nevertheless, as you may always be. and it doesn't matter that you don't know where you're going, for now the journey's pleasant, the plants are easy to walk through despite what may be your petty complaints.

then you find yourself at a dead end. 

a misery-filled, dark and possibly deadly swamp, with thousands of swarming mosquitoes,  leeches, your biggest trial yet. and how are you going to get through without damaging your equipment, and belongings? you can't. so you go through it anyway because you've looked for every other road to take, and there just isn't one. this time round, maybe you're not so lucky. maybe it's the only way. you feel your legs become covered in muck. up to your waist. and you know for sure the burden on your back is only going to get heavier, and dirtier. but you keep going through. 

this i the worst part. there's no way out. it's the end and you're starting to lose sight of light. 

but! through the trees there's a path. your heart surges as you feel the release. the dirt comes off. your pack seems lighter. what lies ahead seems an even more beautiful path than the one you first took. 

because maybe that path wasn't meant to be. 

where this new path is headed, that's your decision.

if you're not getting this, take it allll in metaphorically. 
[[personally i think it's pretty fab being made up on the spot in just a few minutes]]

toodles...

sorry about the recent rambles, i know they're boring... unlike pretty pictures. well, i have a few of my photographical experiments lined up for you tomorrow, so heads up! 

 oh, have i mentioned yet? SUMMMERRRR!
one of my best friends, edwina, dyed my tips the other day. they're currently blonde but i'm looking at some semi-permanent blues/pinks. just for a little fun. yeah, how conformist, but i honestly had nothing to do.
[[this makes me sound bipolar. one second i'm deep/emotional/writing about it all, the next i'm hyper because of hair?]]